then up onto the flat roof. He had always come up here when he needed to think or
when he was upset.
A light wind blew through the thin cotton of his pajamas. The cool air felt good on
his heated body. He paced under a black sky pinpricked with stars.
What had happened?
He still was not sure he understood it. During the past few days, he had been in
such torment – not knowing what Cassandra had done and how she felt.
Now, after hardly speaking two words to her, he knew that he loved her and she
loved him.
He was amazed at the expressiveness of her eyes. How they had positively glowed
with love for him! The sweet, gentle touch of her hand on his — it conveyed so
much more than words could ever have said! Yes, there had been a flash of worry,
but it was quickly banished in her love for him.
Julian sank to the ground, resting his head against the cool wrought iron railing
that surrounded the top of the roof.
He loved her, and he did not know what he was going to do about it.
A warm hand on his shoulder startled him. His mother had come up from behind
him without a sound.
“Julian, what is wrong, my son?” she asked, her voice soothing and musical as
the soft sounds of the Bengali words flowed from her.
Julian had the overwhelming desire to curl up in his mother’s lap and wish the
world away. To rest his head on her soft bosom as he had done when he was a small
boy and let her smooth the worries from his face and back with her strong hands
and soft words.
But he could not do that now. He was a man and he had made a man’s decision,
and now he had to live with the outcome of it. He had to do what a man should do.
Julian rested his heated forehead against his mother’s shoulder for just a moment,
gathering the strength to tell her.
He lifted his head. Squaring his shoulders he said, “Ma, I am going to ask for
Cassandra Renwick’s hand in marriage.”
His mother moved away from him. It was not far, but to Julian it could have been
a mile.
“Julian,” his mother’s voice was full of worry and warning.
“I know you do not approve, but it is something I have to do,” he said.
“Why? Why do you have to do this stupid, foolhardy act?”
“Because I love her. And she loves me.”
Silence. His mother looked at the trees that surrounded their house, some of
them reaching up and over the roof. She pulled away a long strand of graying hair
as it whipped across her face and tucked it back into the bun at the nape of her
neck.
“I do not understand how you could have done this — fallen in love with an
English girl? Did I not warn you of what would happen if you met her?”
Julian sighed. “You did. But I did not listen. I had a plan in mind, but it did not
work out the way I had thought.”
“A plan? What was this plan?”
“I had thought to make her fall in love with me and then spurn her as Lady
Renwick has spurned me. I had thought to prove to society that I am as good as any
Englishman, but it... it did not work out that way.”
He leaned back against the railing once more, tilting his head up to the stars, but
not really seeing them.
“My plan worked in that she fell in love with me,” he continued softly. “But I have
fallen in love with her as well. I could never hurt her now.”
His mother stood up and away from him. “It was a stupid idea to begin with. If
you had told me about it, I could have explained that to you.”
“Ma...”
“No, Julian. You had thought to prove a point to the English? You wanted to
behave as stupidly as they do? Why did you want to prove that you are as small-
minded as they are? Are you not better than that? Can you not think beyond the
color of your own skin?”
His mother began to pace back and forth, kicking up her sari in front of her as she
walked. He had never see her so angry before.
“And what did you plan to do, once this girl had fallen in love with you? How
were going to show society that you were better than they? By treating her badly?
By treating her as you have been treated? And was this going to make you feel
better – or was it intended to simply make the English hate you even more than they
do already?”
“No! Ma, please, listen to me.”
“What?” His mother stopped her pacing and stood in front of him, breathing
heavily from her exertions.
Julian was suddenly at a loss for words under his mother’s angry gaze.
“I... I don’t know what I was going to do, precisely.”
“Ah, very clever!”
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